If you’re looking for someone to talk all things sexuality, I’m your gal. I find it oddly fascinating, it’s something that affects everyone and everyone has their own way of experiencing it.
In my case, I identify as bisexual as I am attracted to more than one gender. When it comes to coming out stories, I think I’m one of the lucky ones. When I was 16, first I came out unofficially when I was drunk at a party and secondly a few days later when I’d got my thoughts together, I came out officially. My friends supported me completely, not making a fuss over it. Some of them had even guessed years before that I wasn’t 100% straight. I came out to my parents over texts whilst I was at a party. My best friend holding my hand while I freaked out on whether I’d made the right decision. Luckily both were accepting of it. After reading nightmarish stories online, I was dreading the coming out process. Instead I was supported completely.
However, if you identify as anything other than straight you’ll know the coming out process does not end there. For the rest of my life, I have to come out to new friends, work colleagues and possible romantic partners. It’s a never-ending cycle. It’s been 7 years since I first came out so now I’m well versed in the situation. While I’m quite open about my sexuality, you do get fed up of the same replies over and over again. It’s what I like to call bisexual bingo:
1. So is it 50/50?
2. Have you slept with a girl?
3. Aren’t you just being greedy?
4. You’re just confused.
5. Have you had/do you want a threesome?
While I’ll answer some of these questions, some of the answers are exceedingly personal. If a person announced they’re straight, would they be asked in depth questions about their sex life? Hell no, they wouldn’t. Just because a person happens to be attracted to more than one gender, that doesn’t give you permission to probe them about the intimate details of their life. If a person tells you they’re bisexual, be like ‘yeah, that’s cool’. The person has decided to share something that is personal enough, feel privileged that they’ve felt safe enough to come out to you. Coming out gets easier the more good experiences you have. Be kind and don’t start a game of bisexual bingo.
I figured out my sexuality early on, I think I must have been a kid when I started crushing on girls as well as boys. I’ve always felt very confident in my sexuality. However it’s only as I’ve hit my twenties that I discovered there’s so much more to learn. The more I learn, the more I find out about myself. For example, I’ve learnt that there’s a difference between sexual and romantic attraction and that there’s an asexual/romantic scale. There’s so many labels out there, I love how no matter how you identify there’s probably a name for it. I have found that while I’m bisexual, I’m also bi-romantic and demi-romantic. My identifiers give me some comfort in that I’m not alone in how I feel.